Lament for the Fallen
by Lozzimal
Summary: Steve hears some terrible news about his comrades


Lament for the Fallen, by Lozza

Pairing Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams

NOTE – this is a fusion of real life and fiction. I heard the terrible news about a helicopter being shot down in Afghanistan and the loss of so many brave people in one moment. I was shocked, and this came out of it – I mean no disrespect to the fallen, or their families. This is, in fact, all I can do to remember their sacrifice.

Thanks to my sister for the brief look-through

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Steve, for once sitting in the passenger seat of Danny's car, frowned at the text tone on his phone and pulled it out of one of his many pockets. He quickly unlocked it and found the new message, and read it with a growing sense of horror.

Danny, driving, glanced over at him, took one look at his face, looked around him, and quickly pulled the car off the road into a passing place. "Steve?" he asked quickly as he turned off the ignition. "What is it?"

Steve kept reading the message over again, not believing what he was reading, until Danny reached over and gently took the phone from him. He read it himself and groaned, then unlatched his seat belt and reached over for him. "I'm so sorry, Babe." he said to him sincerely and cupped his stubbled jaw in one of his own hands. "I'm so sorry."

Steve finally looked at him and his expression ripped at Danny's heart. "I knew some of those people." he said quietly. "I had... they... Danny?" He sounded so lost his partner reached over and unlatched his seat belt so he could pull him close to him in a tight hug. Danny didn't care about the twist in his back, the steering wheel digging in to his thigh, all he cared about was his partner's shaking, his shuddering breath against his own throat as Steve buried himself in his neck and wrapped his strong, tattooed arms around him. Danny held him tightly, an arm around his shoulders, the other hand gently massaging the nape of his neck, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm here, Babe." he murmured in his ear, just to let him know. "I'm so sorry."

The phone lay on the dashboard in front of them, the message the unfeeling technology had delivered still on the screen. 'US Special Forces Afghan helicopter downed by Taliban' the top line had said. Whoever had sent him the text had added details – 'looks like 31 dead, more than 20 of them our SEALS from Team Six. Don't know whether we were with in May yet. Smooth, so sorry. I'll let you know as soon as I get more intel. Later, Badger'.

Steve was silent, and simply hung onto him for several minutes, just trying to get the shocking news through his head. He had known some of his SEAL colleagues were going to Afghanistan, he had been invited to go along after he had been on the raid on Bin Laden in Pakistan, but had declined and returned back to Hawaii and Danny, waiting for him back here. He was shocked at the losses, so many at once, so many families suddenly without sons, fathers, brothers, husbands, so many of his friends gone in an instant. All he had was Danny, it seemed, this small package of hair, ties and irritation holding him tight, and he never wanted to let him go again. He tried to calm down a bit, tried to lock down his emotions, but Danny was speaking to him quietly, telling him to let it go, and Steve was almost surprised at the sob he let out, rather than the sigh he was planning for. And once one had escaped, he wasn't able to stop the rest.

Danny heard and felt his sobs and didn't let go. It had taken a lot of time, trust and therapy for his partner to finally let himself show any grief rather than bottle it up, and the Detective thanked the person who decreed that psychiatric counselling was mandatory for his SEAL after he had returned from Pakistan. He wasn't going to belittle Steve's hard work by pulling away now, and probably lose his hard won trust doing so. Instead he held on tight, rubbing the nape of his neck with his hand and murmuring soft words in his ear, anything to let him know he wasn't alone, and how much he loved him.

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If Chin was surprised to get Danny's call he didn't show it on the phone. "Brah." he greeted him and checked the time – the haole and his partner had left about an hour ago to go and interview a witness for their latest case. "Everything okay?"

"No." the other detective replied, but he didn't sound panicked so Chin didn't use the tech table to call up paramedics and back up. Yet. "Steve's had some bad news and is in a bit of a state." Danny explained, making Chin frown. "I'm gonna take him home. Can you and Kono follow up with Ngoy?" he asked him. "We didn't make it there."

"No problem, Danny." Chin agreed without question. "Is he going to be okay? Are you? Is there anything we can do?"

Danny, standing outside of his car, turned back and looked in at Steve. He'd never seen his lover and friend like this before – he was curled up on the passenger seat, long legs folded in front of him, arms around them, face hidden in his knees. He'd sobbed in his arms for about fifteen minutes, and then just rested where he was for about the same amount of time, letting Danny soothe him until he'd finally looked up at his partner and thanked him. His voice was cracked and broken, his expression pinched and his face pale, and Danny ached for him.

"Let me call Chin, and I'll take you home. Okay, Babe?" he had said, and it was testament to just how bad this had hit Steve when he simply nodded and sat back in the seat.

"I don't know." Danny answered him grimly. "And I don't know what we can do either." he admitted. "Check the news about a helicopter being shot down in Afghanistan." he instructed and sighed. "All I think we can do is make sure he knows he's not on his own. That he doesn't have to deal with this crap alone any more."

"Definitely." Chin assured him. "Kono and I'll cover for you, and we'll come by later. Okay?"

"Thanks, Chin." Danny replied gratefully, obvious in his tone. "Owe you one."

Chin huffed his displeasure at that but didn't say anything. "Take care of you both, Danny." he said instead. "We'll see you later."

"Later." the other detective agreed, and hung up as he walked quickly back to the car. He quickly got back in, tucked his phone away, and reached over to lay a hand on Steve's arm. "Strap in, Steve." he said to him gently. "Chin and Kono are on the case. Let's go home and I'll make you some tea. Okay?"

Steve unfolded himself slowly and pulled the seatbelt back around himself without a word. He didn't say anything when his partner pocketed his phone either, he didn't want to read any more about the incident until he had gotten home, breathed in his space and gained some equilibrium back. What he did do though, was wait until Danny had sorted out his own seatbelt, reignited the Camaro's engine and gotten them safely back onto the small road before he laid a hand on his partner's nearest knee, letting his nearness bolster him up. Danny concentrated on the drive, but covered Steve's hand with his own when he could, offering all the reassurance he could.

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Chin swore softly when he read the news report, and understood exactly what Steve's sudden problem was. He showed Kono, and they shared a look and nodded at the same time. Both would have preferred to go straight to the McGarrett-Williams family home, but Steve wouldn't thank them if they put his needs before the job, whatever had happened. So they packed up the stuff they needed and headed out to Ngoy's house and took the statement, coolly, calmly and efficiently, but it still took more than two hours. The guy had an eidetic memory, and had taken copious notes too, so it was well into the afternoon before they could hightail it out of there and go and find the rest of their ohana.

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Danny got his partner home and had to usher him out of the car and into the house, and was not really surprised when Steve went straight to the TV, clicked it on and started flicking through news channels. He left him there to go to the kitchen, quickly finding the tea kettle and his partner's favourite blend – living with Rachel for some years had made him an expert at making a decent cup of the brew. Steve liked it hot and strong, as he did other things, and it wasn't long before Danny took back a properly brewed mugful for him. He was still standing in front of the TV, still flicking through channels with the remote, and frowning in bewilderment. "What, Babe?" the detective asked him as he walked over. "Can't you find anything?"

"Why is it not breaking news?" Steve asked him, his upset clear in his tone. "It's not on any channel. Why not? Is it not important enough? Some stupid celebrity's sex life more important than this?"

Danny took the remote from him to turn off the TV and replaced it with the mug. "Sit down, Love." he suggested, and followed it up with a gentle push to the sofa. "There might be something else on line." He waited for Steve to comply and walked off to collect his laptop from the wall safe Steve had had installed after the debacle with Jamieson. They kept all things in there that they didn't want people to view, laptops included, and he quickly opened it with the code, fished it out and relocked the safe door before heading back to his partner. He sat next to him on the sofa, close enough so they were touching from hip to knee, and fired it up.

The Mac took brief moments, and loaded Safari straight away. He quickly found one of his favourite news websites and found the story on their main page, loaded it up and sat back. "Here." he said quietly, and shifted the machine so Steve could read it with him.

The report was still vague, but it had more information than the mysterious Badger had sent. The only saving grace for it, in Danny's point of view, was the phrase 'but unlikely to be the same personnel'. And he knew that Steve had read the same paragraph when he relaxed a little, not much, but a little, and sipped his tea. He was still shocked though. Danny could hear him mutter "more than twenty" a couple of times, and his hand was shaking slightly as he held his drink. "I could have served with some of those people." he said finally, a few moments after he finished reading the report. "I could have trained with them, bunked in the same cabin with them. Laughed and joked with them. They could have been my friends, probably were."

Danny put the laptop on the coffee table in front of them and turned to face him. He reached for his free hand, taking it in both of his own and studied him for a moment before he spoke. "You never did tell me what happened in Pakistan." he commented. "I've read about it on line, but why don't you tell me what you did?"

Steve shrugged and curled his fingers round Danny's to hold on. "I didn't do much, really." he told him. "There were twenty five of us. We were in two helos, landed in the compound, did a sweep and took them out."

"And then you stopped and searched the entire building for evidence." the cop answered him, fondly amused. "I must be rubbing off on you in some ways."

That, finally, got him an expression other than the lost, shocked one he had had to look at for about an hour. Steve smiled, ever so slightly and drank some more tea. "But I did enjoy throwing a couple of grenades in to that stupid helo." he said, amused. "I could hear you rant in my head. The other guys I was with were a bit surprised when I was explaining to Danno why I had grenades in my pack, and why I was chucking them into a US helicopter with wild abandon."

Danny laughed and moved forward to kiss his cheek. "I bet they thought you were insane."

Steve shrugged again. "No more than them." he replied. "But they were a bit surprised that I only used three grenades." he added. "They wanted to chuck in a dozen or so."

Danny smiled and kissed him again. "Your restraint is commendable." he told him fondly. "Absolutely commendable."

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Later, when all of his family were home, Danny watched as Steve, Grace and Kono manned the grill outside and Chin sat on one of the chairs on the lanai with Oliver tucked in the crook of one arm sucking on the bottle Danny had just prepared for him. Malia, the haole thought to himself, needed to get her ass in gear, Chin was brilliant with his 3 month old son. And Kono's mother made a fantastic child minder.

But his concentration was mainly on his lover. Steve had finished his tea and curled against him on the sofa, head resting on Danny's thigh, and there they had stayed until the other members of their family had turned up (Kono and Chin had picked up Grace and Oliver from Kono's mother on the way), Danny carding his fingers through his short hair. They hadn't spoken, both knee deep in memories. Danny remembered the day he had been fretting about as soon as Steve had been exonerated – when his partner had received a phone call and told him he'd been recalled back to service for a one off job. He'd been reluctant to go, but Danny knew Steve well enough to know that if he hadn't, he would have regretted it, and his partner, for a long time to come. So he had told him to go, that Danny would stay here and wait for him, and to make sure he stayed healthy or he would find him in whatever place in the world he was and kick his ass for him. That night had been the first time they had had sex, they'd been building up to it for while, but Danny's deep rooted, unspoken fear that Steve would leave in the morning and never return had made him realise just how much he was in love with his partner, and how much he needed him.

It was two months before Steve could contact him again, but they could only speak for a few minutes, enough though, for his lover to hear the excitement in his tone as he explained the little he was able. Danny had grinned when he had heard it, he could picture the face Steve was wearing at the time – his come-on-what-are-we-waiting-for-lets-go-shoot-the-place-up face (slightly different to his Danny-why-aren't-we-shooting-the-place-up-yet face) – it meant he had his Steve back, not the one still reeling from the betrayal he had suffered. All he could tell him was to watch the news in a few days time, that he was fine, that he loved him, loved all three of them, and he would be back as soon as he could.

May 2nd had been a normal average day to start with, for Danny anyway, until he got behind the wheel of his car and flicked on the radio. He'd listened, open mouthed, at the report - Bin Laden was dead, killed by a team of Navy Seals - and laughed out loud when the announcer had said the only casualty on the US team was a busted helicopter, blown up by a SEAL on the way out. He had known, before Steve had told him, that that had been his work, and even now that made him smile.

Steve had come home a week later, recently promoted to Commander, completely healthy, eager to get back to his role in 5-0, and more eager to get back to his new role as partner, lover, and step-father. Danny had been waiting for him at the airstrip at Hickam, met him on the tarmac, and hugged the stuffing out of him in full view of the other military personnel there. Steve had dropped his duffle, grinned that huge goofy smile and hugged him back, and no-one would have guessed that the sap standing there knew how to kill a man fifteen ways with the tongs his step-daughter was now holding.

Steve must have felt Danny's eyes on him because he looked up and smiled at him, a small one, but it was a smile that lit up his eyes all the same. It was an expression that told his partner that yes, he was hurting, but he would get through it, and Danny was going to make damn sure he wasn't going to have to do that on his own.

So he walked out onto the lanai, stood close to him and slipped an arm around his waist for a quick hug, looked up and gratefully received the kiss he was bestowed. "Love you, Babe." he murmured in his ear when they broke off.

"Love you too, Danno." Steve replied as quietly.

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A week later Detective Daniel Williams, 5-0, stood next to his partner Commander Steven J McGarrett US Navy SEAL, both resplendent in their uniforms, at the memorial service for the fallen at Hickam Naval Base lead by the new commander – Captain James. Steve had lost friends in the attack, and as the list of casualties had been sent through he'd spent more time grieving in his lover's arms. Danny was with him through it all, soothing him when he was upset, calming him when he was angry, settling him from his nightmares, giving him time alone when he needed it, crowding him with noise, himself and their children when he needed company.

Danny had changed him, the Commander knew, and for the better. In the short time they had known each other the short cop had given him the ability to open up, to show his feelings, to grieve for his losses and rejoice at his gains, something he hadn't been able to do a mere two years ago. His partner had shown him how to live, not just to exist, and he was proud to stand at his side here, in front of all the dignitaries, and lead the salute to the fallen SEALs, some of which had been based here on Hawaii. Those people who had given their lives in service of their country.

End


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